Who is this person and what have you done with the old one? I “DONT” want her back.
The other day I read an article that struck me more than most things I read and has stayed with me ever since but today I could see how it related to me. It was the Law of Attraction magazine Fall 2013 edition ‘Editors letter’. The editor explains they made a typo and instead of writing ‘Seeking’ they missed the ‘K’ and wrote ‘Seeing’ instead. They explained the huge difference a little ‘K’ can make. If you are seeking something you are very aware of IT’s absence and focusing on the lack of ‘IT’ whereby ‘Seeing’ is a present tense affirmation. You maybe not be seeing IT in its physical state but you can ‘See’ IT happening, feel it, know it, believe it will be physical, made manifest.
I related to this because despite reading ‘The Secret’ and loving it, loving the ethos behind it and realizing it needed daily practice when it first came into my awareness in 2010 in some way I must have still been a doubtful little sausage and when I communicated with the non-physical I did it in an out side of me ‘Seeking’ beseechy way. I got the non-physical/physical element of it and didn’t doubt ‘IT’ as I had seen so much evidence that there was definitely ‘Something’ bigger than we were aware of but when I was asking for help in a situation I couldn’t get my head round the focus on it already achieved, “Ask, Believe, Receive” do dah.
So I continued to ‘Seek’ not ‘See’ and when I was seeking, I realise now I was asking some unseen super-being for help in what ever the situation was, believing they were far greater than me and therefore far more powerful than little old me who could not possibly have the power to achieve it myself.
My main seeking was to get me out of a horrible work situation (that I could have probably avoided if I had listened to that sickening feeling in my stomach when I applied for the role, lesson learnt). and thought my only gateway out was manifest some money to enable me to leave. Week after week, I read more, prayed more, played the lottery but nothing happened and didn’t realise I wasn’t leaving myself open to All Possibilities. However I must say despite my outer body ‘Seeking’, miracles still happened out of the blue. Eventually the stress (the social disease) turned into ‘dis-ease’ in my body and I found myself in hospital and then on sick leave. How’s that a miracle? Several weeks into my sick leave I had a doctors appointment and the doctor gave me a clean bill of health and said I was OK to return to work the following day. Anxiety started to build in my gut immediately. When I came out of the doctors I saw a missed call from my partner. I called him back and he was enquiring how I got on. During the conversation he asked what I was doing and asked if I could bring him some lunch. He then asked if I had any plans and when I replied ‘No’ he said why didn’t I get us both lunch and we could share it together on what was an unusually hot April day. As we gazed at the view he suggested as it was my last day off work I go to one of my favourite places that afternoon to make the most of it and then added unexpectedly “So back to work tomorrow girl, how do you feel?” where by I answered uncharacteristically honestly without hesitation “Anxious” he enquired why was I anxious and when I relayed why he replied “Well if that’s how you feel hand you notice in. I Am sure it’s the job that made you ill and it’s not worth it” Now this is a man who is not spiritual, Black’s black, white, white so I had been harbouring my true feelings, not believing I could leave without a job to go to for financial reasons and for him to make the connection of negative energy creating physical illness was astounding to me and there I Am from an unusual turn of events in the situation I’d wished to be in so effortlessly it made my head spin ….. And that afternoon in one of my most joyous places was more enjoyable than I can physically express, just to say I have never felt so connected to it All.
Whilst working my notice when people asked what I had planned? I was adamant I did not want to go into the same industry again and listed the transferable skills I’d gained and possible avenues I could go down with them but secretly I was hoping another miracle would pop up and the book I had always planned to write would pop out of my head into print and somehow and idea for self-employment would raise its head. I was still actively looking for paid employment to please my partner but quietly awaiting the arrival on the miracle idea. Gradually pressure started to build at home, being constantly supported and no sign of employment so all day was writing applications not books and I let fear, doubt and anxiety creep in as too my belief in being able to be self-employed and resolved myself to paid employment. I did see one job I thought I’d really like and felt good about it. I enthused to my partner one day about it and showed him the cover letter I had written that just fell out of my head and how I felt so positive about it I was going to hand deliver it the following day to heighten my chances in hope of evidencing to him ‘Look I AM being proactive’ and that he would be pleased. I did in fact hand deliver the letter the next day and felt as I walked through the car park that the job was mine. Then nothing !!
To help finances I signed on for a couple of agencies, reluctantly one in the industry I used to work in and I had a heart breaking experience, as I sat there in my Jammies and full face of make up (long story) I thought I truly can’t work in this industry any more what ever happened to that job I thought I was so well suited for? Just prior to this experience I had had a couple missed calls with no voice mail so had no clue to who it was from and I was stood phone in hand explaining to my partner the missed calls when the same number called and I immediately answered. It was the job I thought had my name on it and to cut another long story short it did and I Am still doing it now. More miracles. However the shine has warn off now and more and more I Am wishing I was self-employed doing what gives me most joy –writing. Now I Am ‘Seeing’ not ‘Seeking’ and ‘Seeing’ how miracles can happen even when I Am ‘Seeking’ I Am reassured and have an inward knowing that there are more miracles to come and I am back on the self employment route and this time to Quote ‘Winston Churchill’ I will:
Recently I was thinking about something that reminded me of the quote “it’s nice to be important buts it more important to be nice” then later as I was mooching through Facebook I saw a picture posted by John Assaraf which is another one of my favourite quotes
Further down the news feed I saw a story true or fictional I am not sure about a lady wearing a burka being offensive to a British cashier in a supermarket for wearing a Union Jack pin and an elderly gentleman reminded the lady in the Burka that living in the UK was allowing her a voice that her own country would not allow her. The story went on and finished with the quote “It’s nice to be important but it’s more important to be nice”, it then asked you to share if you are proud to be British. Now I Am proud of my heritage but going back to the Dali Lama’s quote I could not share as it didn’t feel comfortable too. 1) we don’t know the origins or the motives of this post and I felt it only enhanced separation and maybe more hatred and 2) as we all come from the same place, are all connected, therefore ALL one, it wasn’t in harmony with who I Am. “Everything is entangled everywhere. This is all you need to know” was a re-tweet-able comment I read in a book the other day. Shortly after this incident I heard a Muslim Comedian on TV explaining how he’d been contacted by Muslims and Catholics alike to say his depiction of life in his sit-com was so them. I felt a warmth inside about this inclusion and unison of two religions rather than division.
I’m blogging in my head as I Am going about my daily duties. Much like when I first found the phenomenon that is Facebook where my head kept
making up status updates.
As I see things or think things that I would normally just journal about I Am now thinking I’ll blog about this.
Whilst driving for a Sunday afternoon stroll and combined shopping trip I spotted a cat blissfully stood in a window basking in the late September sun that actually looked like it was smiling. I also noticed a gorgeous horse rolling around in a field with all the joy of a young colt and I thought fare play to the lady who I heard on the car stereo who is starting a college course on teaching people how to be happy – explaining to focus on previous happy memories or purposefully finding things to be grateful for in everyday life on normal mundane days and squeeze every last drop out of the experience. The ethos of Ali P Positive Art. One of today’s little joys spotted out of the corner of my eye. I love that mobile phones are cameras as well.
The intention of my blog was to highlight personal observations of ‘The Law of Attraction’ in action but thought recently that I haven’t actually noticed many, then I remember the the quote ‘It’s Nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice’ and only a very short time later I read the exact same comment in a Facebook post.
Then in a book I kept seeing the word Evolve mentioned over and over again and it struck me, hmmm that’s the new name of my gym and then the very next paragraph gives and analogy and uses the example of working out on the machines in a gym.
Whilst eating out I did my usual Wallace grin from Wallace and Gromit to ask for my teeth to be checked for bits of food and the other half gives me a strange look. “What? what is it? have I got lots of bits?” “No” he replied “I Am just looking where teeth should be”. Now I Am not some toothless monster but for a very long time I was undiagnosed with being born with a defect that meant I couldn’t breath through my nose and therefore breathed straight in threw my mouth which led to much tooth decay as the hairs in your nose are meant to catch much of the air-born bacteria that leads to some forms of tooth decay apparently so I have had quite a lot of work done and have gaps inside my mouth from bad dentistry and then fear of bad dentistry. His comment did hit a nerve “boom boom” and I wondered how could I find out who was a good dentist locally? The next morning there is a TV subject about the amounts of complaints about bad dentistry and then a colleague comes in to the office who is having to leave early for a dentist appointment and whilst portraying horrendous previous experiences explains how they have found a fantastic dentist now. So I quickly ask and write down the surgery name. “OK Universal Law you can stop showing off now, I get it, you are there, you are listening”
Popping out for a meal I spotted a dandelion by our front door, inspired I picked it and blew the seeds and made a wish. A childish tradition that I don’t know if it translates to other countries but I liked this lightness about me. I read an amazing story on Facebook recently about and 83 year old lady becoming a mature student and a quote she made during here graduation made my heart skip “Remember, we don’t stop playing because we grow old. We grow old because we stop playing” I feel carefree and playful and believe the source is my writing and blogging.
I like being a fruit loop as I was just described as. I was car dancing as one of my favourite tracks came on the radio! sorry Van dancing as we can’t trust our car to get us to our destination and my partner looked at me, shook his head and said “you are a fruit loop”. I think I am perfectly normal but people often make comments that indicate they feel I am not of the normal vernacular and having the nickname ‘Spooks’ has never bothered me. I’m just dancing to my own drum !!
I had a brilliant car dance earlier whilst enjoying the miracle of the Universe in the colours in the trees etc. I love travelling but I also love living here. I love the seasons. Right now we are having some gorgeous balmy Autumn days and evenings. I love the atmosphere of a September evening or morning. The mist in the air. The quality in the sun light. The colour of the turning leaves. I love the structure of bare trees in winter and the promise of the miracle of spring and the knowing that buds will appear and the miracle of new life emerging again. Blossom is one of my favourite things and who couldn’t love summer for all it’s vibrancy.
In 1999 I was fishing for an idea for the finals of my Art degree. A previously non spiritual kind of person (spirituality was not to be mentioned in front of my Methodist mother, it was banned and I remember one conversation with my sister, it was about a spiritual experience we had both had and recall how we discussed it in very hushed whispers like it was some blasphemous taboo) however I couldn’t escape the fact that I was interest as we were coming up to the millennium and people were discussing ‘New Age Philosophy’ but I found it interesting that these so-called ‘New Age thingy’s’ were not new age at all but thousands of years old in some cases and I knew I wanted to base my finals about it. I started to play around with some ideas then a sequence of events happened and my finals were a done deal.
Knowing what I know now I can see the synchronicity of events at play but back then I just thought ‘Wow that’s Spooky!’ I was playing around with these ideas but must have put out there a subconscious request for help or asked a question because during a tutorial we are informed of a lecture by an artist at my local college ( I was studying out of town).
A week prior to the lecture I had uncharacteristically caught a cold and had been holed up at home. The day of the lecture was actually my birthday and fed up of being stuck in doors and as it was my birthday I thought I will go to the lecture. Oh my !! The artist Anthony Frost (son of Sir Terry Frost) was the most inspiring, funny, energetic human being I had ever come into contact with. I’d never met someone who was, it seemed so in love with life as he enthused about what most people would see or not even see as the case maybe as mundane nondescript items. He emanated an energy so strong it filled the room and I felt super-charged by it.
As I walked home it was a very grey day and it was a route I hadn’t walked since leaving that college and a previously condemned bridge was now replaced with a beautiful new blue bridge that stood out of vibrantly on the grey day and as I was about to cross it a bright yellow van whooshed past and instantly an abstract image appeared in my mind. As I walked down the other side of the bridge I spotted one solitary beautiful loan poppy in the middle of a patch of wasteland and another abstract image appeared in my mind’s eye. When I got home to my surprise I was presented with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers which in themselves were a joy but unusually when I unwrapped them to place them in a vase they had another bunch of flowers hidden inside. The secondary bunch was a small posy of Lilly of the valley. For no apparent reason I inhaled the scent and I was instantaneously taken back to a memory of being a small girl sitting in a favourite spot in the sun hidden away in the corner of the garden where every year a Lilly of the Valley grow in a drain. I had completely forgotten this joyous memory but it was if I was transported there again and I could feel every detail, then another abstract image was born.
From that moment on I knew I was going to produce these three abstract imagines. I could actually see them finished hanging on a gallery wall. I was quite passionate about my images despite being encouraged by well-meaning tutors to try this and try that. To me they were already finished and I was not changing from the originals. I felt so strongly I didn’t even care if they failed me for defying them. They had to be done and they had to painted ‘MY’ way. The other day I read “You should never love anything that can’t love you back ” but I truly loved these canvasses and physically missed them when I had to leave them in the studio and get on the train home. I was never more in spirit than when I painted these canvasses. It did develop slightly because the theory behind them were that we are all rushing around with more and more hectic lives, focusing on all the negative events and becoming more and more stressed (the social decease) and my aim was to remind people to notice the small miracles in life and that the hope would be these events would escalate into more appreciation of life and more positive experiences. This was before I knew anything about the Law of Attraction or quantum physics however I did have a quantum physics moment during 1999 that struck a chord that never left me despite me not knowing then what it was – An artist , a previous student was invited to give a talk and explained that his work was inspired by reading a book that said everything is energy, tables, chair, us were not actually solid but moving molecules of energy vibrating and different frequencies. Everyone else thought he was a ‘Fruit Loop’ but inherently I knew what he said was true. I have an album at home and there was a track on it I loved and one Sunday morning whilst it was playing during the time of producing my babies it struck me. Record this song over and over again and put a tape machine (it was 1999) on a pedestal, put a statement about looking for the joy in the daily routine on the pedestal then suggest the viewer place headphones on whilst looking at my three equally proportioned, equally spaced pieces of art and it so inspired me I was sure that I would pursue this ideal after college and call my art, business etc “Ali P Positive Art”.
Truth be told Ali P got quite a few knocks backs and was never the most forth coming confident person and took the knock backs very crushingly. Again not knowing how we attract stuff to us by our thinking or attitude to experiences I wasn’t experienced enough to know how to overcome these events so ‘Ali P Positive Art’ has never really taken off. Maybe my timing wasn’t right?
I never knew anything about self-help books until another change sequence of events happened and I was handed a book “Feel the Fear and do it anyway”. That book changed my life, from coming from a family actively discouraged from taking risks so as to avoid disappointment I was willing to embrace the fear. I’d already been defiant by going to college as a mature student despite wanting to go previously in my teens but I was faced with a choice of a certain surgery or exams that I required to make entry and ‘I’ chose the surgery because at the time could not see myself make any way forward in life without it and had always planned to go back later.
From ‘Feel the Fear’ I quickly became aware of other authors via more sequences of events. My favourite at the time being Louise Hay and I can quite honestly say Louise helped me pass my driving test first time despite having a muscle injury in my leg by laying on the bed the night before and visualizing going through all the manoeuvres in my head perfectly. Despite loving these books and devouring them one after another (habit that has only increased with eBooks) I went through sequences of joy and pain joy and pain as each book made me believe I was really going to make it this time however shortly after nothing had changed and normal life was resumed sometimes more depressingly than I thought I could bare and one such time was in 2010 but what was one of my lowest times turned into truly my most joyous times and has also totally changed my life for the better. Various things had been unpleasant but the most was to lose a very dear friend, who at only 33 with a young son and passed away before life support was being switched off and robbing me of an opportunity to say goodbye. Life just seemed to cruel and unfair to cope with any-more. I was also being bullied at work with no support and on the Saturday morning, the day after her passing I sat alone on my sofa rocking backwards and forwards angrier than I had ever been before and praying to a God I don’t (didn’t) believe in. I gave him (it) !! An ultimatum. “You better show me a sign to tell me its all worth while or I want out too!!” when a voice inside of me said “buy The Secret” and then a peace came over me. Pure Peace. All anger had drained out of me and I felt totally relaxed, I even felt forgiveness for my bullier and pity, wondering what made them have to do this to people? What hurt had they suffered?
Now The Secret had come in my awareness several months earlier but I hadn’t purchased the book. It started with seeing an article in a tabloid Sunday paper by a TV actress saying her dream had come true because of post it notes. I didn’t read the article but when it came to throwing the paper away for recycling ‘something’ told me to pull out the article. I slipped it in-between the pages of a book for safe keeping and forgot about it. Several weeks later I came across it again read the article and looked up the book on a famous website. At the time I had no finances to buy it so put it on my wish list, promising myself I would buy it on pay-day but forgot again and again (probably subconsciously on purpose, timing and all that) but now I lifted myself off the pity pit and logged on, logged in and bought two copies. Even though in those days pre-eBooks I had to wait until the following Thursday for delivery I knew this book had something to with changing my life and I was energized.
On arrival, I read it and read it and read. Faster than any book I had ever read. Read stories on the website and bought an audio CD series for my car but something was different from my previous books. I don’t know if it was the book it’s self or a change in me because since reading it I now knew I was reading about the Law of Attraction, Quantum Physics in many of my previous books but I never got it in then and the other thing that hit me that I hadn’t realized before was ‘Me’ what my biggest failing was. I’d read the book, think wow, finish it put it down and never actually put into practice or adopted the methods explained or advised. I just went back to normal life. This time I was made aware that I was responsible for it all, and it was my thinking that was going to dictate if I was going to have a good day or a bad day or more importantly a bad life or a blinking amazing one and the one most important thing I learnt from this experience was that I had to make this a conscious effort on my part to work on controlling my thoughts and therefore my life experiences on a daily basis for ever. Not just put the book down. This time I had to take action.
Now I might not being doing all the things I had set out to do … Yet !! I know there is still a lot more room for growth, ingrained thinking to shift but that doesn’t bother me. What I know now is my life experiences are far better now than they have every been. I Am a far happier person than I have ever been, hardly ever stressed and when I find myself turning away from my source I can now recognize my anxiety and adopt methods to get me back on track. I Remind myself I Am never alone and I Am in fact God myself so what have I got to fear anyway.
And as if by acknowledgement of my appreciation in the perfection of it ALL a formation of Geese fly towards, besides then over us on ‘My’ journey.
The ‘Thing’ most of the authors I follow use had been niggling away and the back of mind. What is that thing, what’s it called that they use to blog with that seems the chosen thing of choice. Nice choice of words, very eloquent.
Just prior to getting up to go to London my instincts said if your going to read a book read ‘The Suitcase Entrepreneur. Course I forgot like I normally do then On the way to London on the bus it popped up again so had a bit of a read until London came into site and all the planes and the swanky car show rooms loomed into sight and I was in uhhh ahhh mode.
However the niggling away thing was still there very, very quietly even whilst wondering around the Tate going uhhh ahhhh and occasionally I was wondering way? Why the question? Why the question about the bloggy thing? Why is it still there?
Today was the Perfect day. Stood in the prefect place to get on the bus, perfect seat (on my own). Same thing happened on the way home, perfect place in the gallery when it was ten minute talk time with very passionate lady, perfect tour guide for Turner tour, again very passionate. Now a very tired Ali was trying to find something to pass the time on the journey home and thought she was too tired to read but thought oh I’ll give it a try.
Well I am blogging to myself on the bus because today’s Wayne Dyer 21 says to success and inner piece subject was ‘Don’t die with your music still in you” and that’s been niggling away too and then reading ‘Suitcase Entrepenuer’ it talks about WordPress several times. WordPress, WordPress, wordpress. That’s it, that’s the bloggy thingy they all use.
Then that voice, the niggly one says investigate wordpress tomorrow and then I knew it is time. Time to blog publicially. Blog about my observations, just blog. Then that leads on to inviting other people to bog about there spooky’s too and felt so inspired had to write it down here immediately.
Maybe this is the start of getting my music out of me. Last night I was reading LOA magazine in bed and I read an article about, basically getting out of your comfort zone confronting the thing that makes you uncomfortable and push through it. We’ll earlier I’d written an Ali to Ali blog post and it really flowed like, well like no other blog post I’ve ever written. It flowed out of me, it’s was enjoyable, it was effortless, it felt RIGHT. Yesterday I was watching Tom Shadyac’s film ‘I Am’ and it was talking about how it is our heart that is the really, most important organ in our body, not our brain. This is where who we really are lives. It eminates an electromagnetic field far beyond us and this morning I read the same thing in Wayne Dyer. Listen to your heart. Well my heart said writing is who and what I am meant to do and with wordpress niggling in the back of my mind the last few hours I think it’s time to come out of the writers closest at last and go public, to hell with what any one thinks.
Just remembered whilst on the a Tube a free website service called “Moonfruit.com” caught me eye. Investigate this as well.
Earlier on I read that Natalie from suitcase recommended Apple MacBook Air for business but also quoted her second best laptop after this one. I’d never heard of it before but as I got off the Tube at Hammersmith I quickly spotted the bill board advertising the alternative laptop Natalie had recommended. I myself would like a MacBook Air because I have an iPhone and iPad. Remembering when ever we desire something it’s instantaneously ours I am saying thanks for my new MacBook air.
Boy,Oh I am on a roll. After this idea after idea popped up but somethings have to stay in my private journalling you know. Well at least until it manifests into physical reality and I can post on the 20/09/2013 I jounalled blah blah blah blah blah and today ??/??/???? blah, blah, blah, blah has manifested into physical matter.
After blogging and reading myself silly I decided to mooch around Facebook and smiled when I saw these two photos. I noted my reading of an article about being uncomfortable and pushing through it.
I have been journalling secretly for as long as I can remember and writing brings my greatest bliss, even over me producing visual art and would love to do it as a living full time and be self-employed but have never told a soul so basically blog to myself.
I Am currently on annual leave and was 1) aiming just to do Ali stuff and 2) Hoping to investigate a bit more in myself to see if I actually had something that I could make a living at. My week did involve a lot of Ali stuff but there didn’t seem to be much success in the what are my marketable talents side.
During the day I had written a massive for my eyes only blog but this time it felt different. It flowed differently, it gave me a huge sense of satisfaction and pleasure so went to bed a happy bunny.
In bed I was reading the Law of Attraction magazine on my iPad and there was an article about comfortableness and how a lady pushed through hers and how her life is changing because of it and reading it, something told me to send you my journal entry to share one day of some of my LOA observations to Pam Grout and how it included her and I did. And this was it. (This was written two days before I joined WordPress).
Today I watched the film “I Am” prompted by deciding to reread Pam Grouts amazing book ‘E squared’. I did honestly enjoy the film but it did leave me with an uneasy feeling. I don’t think I wanted to acknowledge my uneasy feelings, thinking if I did then I was admitting that I am a bad person and that I shouldn’t dream of owning my own home, being self employed, having financial security, owning certain items.
After the film I had a browse on Facebook and saw that there was a new blog post by Pam Grout. Whilst reading it I felt invigorated and plus Pam inadvertently had been used by the FP (Field of Possibilities that Pam calls the FP for short) to help answer a question.
Earlier (in the shower, by personal telephone booth to God/FP) whilst remembering and being thankful for an incredible sunset and an equally amazing moon the night before was reminded how I wish to have Louis Armstrong’s ‘Wonderful World’ played at my funeral to remind people ‘it Is’ and not to be sad. This led on to me thinking how technology has changed, how I use iTunes for my music, use the Internet to log my inner most thoughts (long to be a writer like Pam .. There I’ve put it out there now oops. Why Am I writing this like its being published?) and I was thinking do my two daughters remember I want it at my funeral? Should I be making arrangements for them to access this material when I’m gone? How can I remind them or ensure they follow my wishes? But then the shower was over and I had to go about my business.
Back to how Pam’s blog inadvertently helped me. The other day I was reading (but can’t remember which material as I Am a book whore and thanks to iBooks and the kindle app jump between the pages of different books more often than a nymphomaniac on death row to quote one of my favourite films.) that the Universe/FP or God which ever feels most comfortable an analogy answers every question we ever ask. As I scrolled down through Pam’s blog something was becoming more and more evident and I knew instinctively and because of the content of Pam’s blog it was a YouTube video of Louis Armstrong singing ‘Wonderful World’. And because of the power of technology we have at our fingertips now I was able to post the YouTube link to Facebook and tag my two daughters in it reminding them what they had to do with the song. Thanks Pam! Thanks Universe, question answered as always.
For some reason Pam’s blog while reminding how I agree with her that it is indeed a wonderful world and if you feel safe you will be safe as I do when I visit London on my own as I Am tomorrow whilst others in the past seem to think I Am crazy it raised the feeling again that I felt uncomfortable after watching ‘I Am’. I realized and I am, ( pardon the pun) sure Tom Shadyac had no intention of making me feel that the things that I desire in life are wrong and that we are All going to hell in a handcart (for want of a better analogy even though I know Hell doesn’t exist) if we don’t change our thinking. (All totally my interpretation no responsibility on the producer).
Remember this was originally written for my eyes only
I feel and have for a long time thought that there is a lot more to this Universe than we think and that we aren’t all doomed at that the Universe is an amazing thing that just at the right moment miracles crop up. I am not saying Tom’s wrong or my view is right it’s just how I feel inside but it does remind me of my interpretation of the world when I was at college and how my view point was the only positive one in the whole class after we were briefed to go out into the campass for a certain amount of time and bring back our observations. Whilst everyone’s was about the degradation and man’s destruction and disrespect for the environment Polly Anna here saw moss growing on sign posts and weeds pushing there way up through Tarmac paths, eat that man, nature rocks. I saw a positive message and I did see the look of astonishment on my fellow students faces as well as well as the ‘poor thing, she’s delusional’ expression.
When people worry about running out of oil I believe more will be miraculously discovered in the nick of time like Flash Gordon saving the earth or we’ll find an even better more environmentally friendly source. And as if by magic to prove this butterflies. Butterflies? Yeah pretty little butterflies. Last year when we were advised we were about to be put on hose pipe bans etc because we had had the two driest winters and summers since records began and we were in drought mode I had an inner feeling it would be OK (all together now Flash ahhhhh !!!) and then it started raining and raining and doing what we are supposed to do best in Britain rain. No more issue about empty reservoirs just “oh no it’s been the wettest summer …. ” what since records began? Last week I read on Facebook that a source of water had been found in Africa that will keep the drought ridden area in water for at least 70 years ahhhh!! (That’s Flash style ahhhs). So what’s butterflies got to do with water and Flash Gordon? A few weeks ago the doom and gloom mungers were banging on about the end of the world if butterflies die out, photosynthesis etc and how bad humans were killing all their environments ( Hell in a handcart you know) and it was asking if we did butterfly count things and send in our observations. Well I was inadvertently already on butterfly watch thanks to Pam Grout and Dr Wayne Dyer, oh yeah and the Universe, you spooky thing you.
I had had a YouTube recommendation sent to watch on Dr Wayne Dyer talking about his book “Inspiration” now I had read the book twice so when he told the story of a butterfly landing on him I was not alien to the story. The whole video had moved me to tears, talking about his mother so eloquently, including him describing Van Gogh’s life story and Don Macleans inspiration to write Starry Night because of it and his daughter singing it at the end … Actually tears I was a sobbing wreck in earplugs with my partner looking on in bewilderment. The next morning was beautiful (no rain in sight, best summer since you get the picture) so I decided to carry the clothes airer outside and as I walked into the garden a butterfly just like Wayne had described in his story landed on my hand. Well whilst trying not to fall over I tried to stand still as long as possible to take in the miracle and not scare it away with the sound of my thundering heart in my chest. At the time I had also started reading Pam Grouts marvellous book& ‘E squared’ and I was just reading the start of ‘Volkswagen Jetta experiment’ I had inadvertently decided to choose butterflies and Range Rover Evoques because of the butterfly airer experience and that I needed a new car and I love these but then decided to put it on hold as I was soon to fly to Paris to watch the end of Le Tour de France.
I did like the film ‘I Am’ and something I did take from it was how we are a huge electromagnet receiver come single sender and despite deciding to put the experiment on hold I must have sent something out there because butterflies started showing up everywhere, even on net curtains in Paris, plus scarves on women walking down the Champs Élysées, women’s earrings sat next to me in restaurants, pictures posted on Facebook and real ones every where. More than I have seen in my whole lifetime and it seemed every other car that passed us was ?? A) . Oh and a spooky non butterfly come Range Rover thing happened in Paris, after several non eventful attempts to visit Musee D’Orsay we got in and My partner the not so art lover unlike myself wanted to visit the Van Gogh room and there I find myself stood in front of the real ‘Starry nite’. Shivers.com’s ville.
Back to butterflies and the end of the world and Polly Anna. Just watched a regular magazine program I like and it was discussing that butterflies are up big time, even one that was most endangered is up a massive 300 something % so end of the world avoided for today then.
Another thing I liked in the film was someone holding a piece of cardboard up with the quote on it “change the way we see things and the things we see will change” well I Am what I Am and what I see is miracles everyday and I don’t want to change that.
Ali K Parsons over and out for tonight world … Love ya !!!
Following feeling inspired yesterday to research Wordpress as it was niggling at me. I did, I made an account and then I ….. I went blank. Mrs document the slightest little thing knickers, went blank and couldn’t find a thing to write about.
Mind you I am obviously not so tech-no geeky as I thought I was and it was probably reading all the admin stuff that blurred any other interpretation of wordage to arrive so I decided to just sit.
I asked the question in my sitting “Maybe I Am not ready?” And instantaneously the voice said “you were born ready”. Oh OK.
In my sitting I said an affirmation “I Am therefore I can” but then I thought about it and thought “therefore I can” sounds like I still have to achieve IT! Whatever IT is and reading Pam Grout – “E-Squared” the other day. It said as soon we desire to be or have something etc it’s done instantaneously and thinking on this I felt more comfortable with the affirmation “I Am therefore I Am” defined as the first I Am meaning I Am God/ part of the All that is so can achieve anything and the second I Am meaning I Am whatever it is I was previously wanting to ‘Can’ I already have on some quantum level.
Money, money, money. Thanks Victor Boc and dollar a day guy it’s working. I have had a bad money consciousness all my life (my biggest hurdle) and I know God bless her but I probably picked it up from my mum and until recently I truly thought Am I never going to beat this one just like my belly and cellulite issue. I read and read and read all sorts of self improvement books and while I don’t doubt that they work I doubt my ability to change my thought processes in these areas as they seem to be so deeply routed which is crazy when I see LOA working in so many other amazing little synchro’s every single day, however bingo moment !! Yesterday as I was traveling to London it suddenly dawned on me I have just been given £100 to go to London for the day and do Ali stuff. Thanks Universe. Even more it made me realise this giving money away and it has to come back stuff actually really does work. That £100 gift far out ways what I have given away since I have only been adopting the approach since mid August .. Result or what.
I have always, try as I might not to, have had a sickening fear of always not having enough money. Worry worry worry but then I spotted a book on my kindle app on the ‘if you liked this you might like these bit’ by Victor Boc called “How to solve all your money problems forever” and I adopted the practices and it felt good, it actually felt good to give money away and the best bit was nobody knowing I’d done it, but get this I gave away 1% of my income and I started to feel a bit flat waiting to my next pay day to arrive to give more money away and if by magic Todd Silva in arrived in my awareness (the Universe always answers). I can’t even remember where or how I came across him but he was suggesting giving a dollar a day away. I live in England so immediately started giving a pound coin away but still call it a dollar a day as it rhymes better. Again the anonymity of it (which I’ve just blown) feels cool and I Am putting my £100 gift, oh and my £3 lottery win last night down to it and more importantly I no longer feel fearful about money, enjoy being philanthropic and the best bit of all actually feel for the first time in my life that I can … Sorry ‘have’ changed my wealth conscious thinking in the right direction at last, so if I can change this thought process I can change ‘Any’ negative thought process into a positive one.
Maybe this is why in my sitting the next thought came up ” it’s not the food I put in my mouth that creates the spare tyre it’s the thoughts that I put into the food that creates the spare tyre”
Now I Am no stranger to this as when I started to make the correlation that every-time I give myself a deadline to lose weight, a challenge or just decide to get extra strict prior to an event I actually gain weight or obstacles arise and as I said previously the answer always appears and it rose in the way of a book by at the time an unknown author to me, Greg Kuhn and his book “Why Quantum Physicists Don’t Get Fat” appearing randomly at the side of a web page I was reading. This book was like a revelation to me but I did what I used to do prior to June 2010. Read it and then not put it into practice for very long. Then Pam Grout and E.Squared came around in July this year and I did the Jenny Craig experiment ‘Experiment #7’ as prescribed for 72 hours but then normal life crept up on me and never repeated it. Now following my sitting and the words that popped up I Am going to read these books again and make my whole life an experiment like Buckminster Fuller did, well on the eating front anyway for the moment and think about the thoughts I put into my food, not just for 72 hours but every hour I consciously can until I get this like the money thing. Until it is a new way of thinking and effortless like driving a car as I say to my trainees. “Have you heard the saying, it takes 30 days to build a habit? Well don’t beat yourself up when you start this job because you haven’t built the neural pathways yet to do it and it’s going to take time, like learning to drive a car, mirror, signal, manoeuvre. It’s going to take practised effort until you’ve built that pathway and it becomes second nature”. Like learning to ice-skate. Random one I dropped in from remembering one of Wayne Dyers books but perhaps its time to practice what I preach in the area of … well my butt and belly if I AM honest.
I just realised that I used the word ‘Sitting’ subconsciously. Now I am rubbish and Meditating or Visualizing even though I know deep down that’s the key to getting what you want your life to truly be and the other day I was mooching about in Youtube seeing what new recommendation were sent to me and there was a humorous one, and thinking now I Am not quite sure if it was the Dali Lama one or the Eckhart Tolle video that was saying if you travel to a Zen monastery the Monks will ask you how long you have been sitting, not meditating. IE: I have been ‘Sitting’ for 25 years. Probably true here too but in my case 25 years of reading other peoples books and not getting off my axxe and doing anything about it. But I like the idea of ‘Sitting’ I can do that. I have also noticed where what ever I did, including reading which my partner can’t get their head around I have the TV on in the background I now want the TV off more and more. It’s sound annoys me. Program’s and film’s I used enjoy bore me so Now I’ll use this time for ‘Sitting’. Not meditating, not visualising, just ‘Sitting’ and if something pops up or I slip in the gap bonus !!
I have been on annual leave this week and decided to start reading Wayne Dyer’s book “21 Days to Master Success and Inner Peace” I had bought on iBooks several weeks ago. I started two days later than planned but maybe that was perfect timing.
Day 1 was – be open to everything. Day 2 was – be attached to nothing and something I read linked into Pam Grout’s instantly done message and quite liked the idea of being open to everything and attached to nothing and lead me to note down an affirmation of “Be open to everything, attached to nothing and grateful for it ALL“. What a peaceful way of living. Day 3 was – Don’t Die with Your Music Still in You”. Wow that was a shocker. I was reading it on the bus to London where I was planning to spend the day in Tate Britain. The first paragraph was explaining that Kahlil Gibran says “When you are born, your work is placed in your heart”. This linked in very nicely with watching Tom Shadyac’s film “I AM” the day before and talking about the importance of our hearts not our brains and started the resonance that my not starting this book when I planned was part of a more superior part of me plan maybe? I could rewrite this whole chapter in this blog to explain how it related to everything that was happening in my life right now and how it felt like it was written for me directly but don’t worry I won’t, I just suggest that if you are reading this blog that maybe ‘your’ reading it is saying – maybe you need to check this book out yourself. One bit I will refer to was an analogy of your ‘Intuitive invisible presence within you as a nagging little creature that sits on your right shoulder and reminds you when you have lost your sense of purpose’ because I had had a nagging little feeling gnawing away at me for a couple days but that’s to come in another post.
The book describes your Right side of your brain as the one you should follow and the Left side as the, hang on a minute, oh no don’t step out of the crowd, what if, what if, what if. I have tried so many attempts to step away from the crowd and go in my direction but have let the left brain win. I give up at the first perceived failure, negative comment etc. Get back in the box you !! At the end of day 3 there was this comment by Thoreau “If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away” Now I know I have always had a different beat inside me and used to ask why and for a while now I have been feeling ‘who cares take me or leave me’ now that I have taken the leap to put my music out there on a public stage rather than an Ali to Ali blog the feeling I have inside even if no-one reads it feels so right in my heart I have to keep going in the direction of my little drummer ‘IT’. I have to push through and I know, I know deep this time, that somethings different, I Am different. I feel that what ever has to happen or fall away is OK. I Am trusting that, that’s the way it has to be and with perfect timing I read in Day 4 that failure is an illusion. No one ever fails at anything. Everything that you do produces a result.
These pictures cropped up on my Facebook wall after writing this post.
I Am attached to nothing, open to everything, grateful for it all.