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Category Archives: Just me rambling

Lunch with Ben Whishaw

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I try to live an ‘Inspired Life’ and to be the spiritual being I truly am as often as I can in the way Wayne Dyer describes being spiritual.

Wayne says to live an inspired life any thought that excludes another person or thing is not a spiritual thought and our work is to constantly watch our thoughts and any thought that does not match that practice change it.

Watch yourself and catch yourself when you have a thought of seperation 

An area I need to work on are Blanket statements, they irritate me and therefore the people that make them.

Recently I heard a TV presenter say that all women want to go to lunch with George Clooney and all men want to be George Clooney. No disrespect George I think you are lovely and a very interesting person to spend time with but sorry I do not like being rustled up like a sheep into a blanket statement.

Then I probably end up telling the person on the TV off for making such a generalisation and reminding them that they can’t make that judgement on behalf of everyone even though they can’t hear me.

See I said I needed to work on this area.

Actually when I think about it I would rather spend a lunch date with Ben Whishaw. I don’t know what it is about Ben but whenever I see him acting something genuine exudes from him that makes me think you are a nice interesting person with a gentle quality.

The same thing happened to me many moons ago with Liam Neeson when he played a character called “Blacky” in a TV adaptation of “A Women of Substance” long before he became to the prominant position he is in today and my mum, bless her tells people I had a crush on him long before anyone else.

Crush maybe but what is it that draws us towards some people and dislike others? And what is it that makes someones George Clooney and someone else’s Ben Whishaw?

In other words what energy is matching up here?

The older I get I see the things I am attracted to and what attracts me to them has always been different to most people I have come in to direct physical contact with that’s why I always felt like the girl on the right.

Another thing age has given me the luxury of is …….. I don’t care !!

I embrace my personality traits others might find annoying because I believe these were my God given talents and gifts agreed upon before I came in to the physical and I am not going to deny what was given to me by the Infinite Intelligence.

I am blessed with some incredible friends and there must be something about the energy they and I resonate that brought us together and stay together.

Birds of a feather flock together

It’s easy to be spiritual about people we flock to. The test of spirituality is to embrace everyone. 

We maybe resonating on different  vibrational levels but our spiritual source is from the exact same origin 

My job now is to catch myself separating myself from blankets and embrace them. Sounds cosy.

Have a spiritually resonated week.

 

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I’m the happiest penguin ever

Normally when I go to London I quite happily accept that the London way is bustle, bustle, push and push, especially on Tubes.

I was there this week and I have to admit it was slightly disconcerting at 08:30 in the morning after just arriving as you are getting off a tube and heading towards an escalator and hundreds off people were heading towards you coming off of escalators like a rampaging bull – Mumma !!!

With plenty of time I stood to one side and all was well, I wasn’t stampeded.

The following morning and my last day in London I waited patiently like I normally do and observed when even a short women desperately trying to get her child to school pushed passed my place in the tube ticket terminal queue by lifting my arm up and forcing her child through followed by herself and never even acknowledged my presence. Guess that’s how it has to be every day to get on with your day the London way, or is it.

Later that day I was more on deadline myself to get to on two different tubes to get me to Paddington station for my Train home. As the tube approached and it appeared full and not wanting to be in my usual situation where by everyone pushes past me and I am either doing the impression of a sardine with my face impressioned against the glass of the tube door or even worse pressed up against someones smelly armpit and as sometimes happens, actually left still standing on the platform I needed to rethink my approach.

I took a step closer to the train and then another step closer. I hadn’t pushed past anyone I had literally stepped forward in alignment from where I was previously stood and waited for the doors to open and the passengers to alight but I was ready, once the last person alighted I was in.

I was in perfect alignment with the train door and as I stepped up on to the Train a voice from the side of me said ‘There is no need to push”. How ironic I thought. I don’t think I have ever heard anyone speak to each other on a tube, they very rarely make eye contact and the first time I try a bit of dog eat dog boom I get the one person with the moral compass to speak out.

I had just been on a course where it spoke about Parent, Child, Adult how to react in situations or how we normally react instinctively.

I looked at the young man looking smug and smiling to himself and I felt compelled to reply to his comment. Calmly I pointed out that I am not local but whenever I come to the ‘Big Smoke’ (I didn’t actually use that terminology) due to my polite nature I am normally left standing on the platform whilst everyone else pushes passed me and today I thought I would change my tact and follow the London way. He replied it wasn’t the London way and words just fell out of my mouth and told him it was how it was every time I came here.

The conversation ended and everyone else appeared to adopt the normal stance of no eye contact, no speaking and normal service resumed.

I did however after have, maybe the weirdest thought “How would have Wayne Dyer handled that?”

The following morning I was not in work and had the luxury to do what I wanted and following advise from Oprah posted in regards to Thanks Giving chose some inspirational material to listen to before getting out of bed.

In the video Wayne practised kinesiology on one of the crew and I knew instantly what Wayne would have done and I knew what I would do if I had that experience over or in future.

If I had the situation over again I would have reverted to type and not stepped forward in the first place and waited calmly and patiently and avoided the whole situation and that thought felt right, felt good, felt like who I am and the essence of me.

This process of how thought affects the body as practiced through kinesiology in the Video stuck with me and how your body reacts via love and how it reacts via hate and revenge, I only wanted to think thoughts of LOVE and I set myself an experiment to go about my day and despite however anyone behaved I would always revert my thought back to LOVE.

I had to pay two separate visits to a supermarket and I was no angel. When I stood to one side to let people pass and they didn’t even acknowledge me it initially crossed my mind ‘What am I invisible here?’ but then I reminded myself think thoughts of love, think thoughts of love if only for your own best interests.

When queuing to get out of the car park and a man aggressively pulled out from behind someone else and tried to force his way into to the queue I was in I physically felt myself pull forward as did the guy in front of me as to try to stop him. I, then realising what I was doing relaxed and started letting people out one by one in front of me. I turned the music up on my car radio and thought ‘The longer I am here the more I get to enjoy these tunes’.

I checked the time it took to get out of the car park after letting several people out and it was 7 minutes in total. Not much in the grand scheme of things and I was far happier and calmer than the majority of people I recalled coming in to contact with throughout my day.

That’s why I feel I am and can relate to the ‘Happiest Penguin Ever’

We all have a choice and the power to attract in to our day the best experiences regardless of the situations or other poples reactions.

Have a great weekend and lets all be happy Penguin’s

 

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Just because

Just because the news is doing what it does best. Focusing on negativity.

I saw this on social media and it made me feel good.

We can’t heal hate with more hate. We cannot eradicate fear by focusing on fear.

What we think about we bring about so lets bring about love and positivity and hope and faith and by watching something like this may raise our vibrations and open us to attract something beautiful and it feels like a good place to start

 

 

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Stress Makes You Thick

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Pollyanna is back

Even Pollyanna had her down days but it was the love of the people that she showed kindness to that helped her back.

It was me showing love to me that brought me back.

Being authentic to myself. Acknowledging I deserve better and standing up for myself despite the consequences is an empowering feeling.

You maybe thinking “Easy for you to say but I need my job, I need to pay the bills, I have a family support.”

So do I but from previous experience of undervaluing myself and the trauma’s that it brings is just not worth it, my health and well-being is far more valuable and (now) believe if I face life from this stand point the Universe will celebrate with me and not forsake me.

I recently re-read something by Bruce Lipton about the effects of stress on the brain. Thankfully I read this in the middle of a really bad stressful state I had allowed myself in to that reminded me to pull myself up by my own boots straps.

My interpretation of Bruce’s words to myself was “Stop it, stress makes you thick”.

The last two days something has brought a massive national delay to our operations. The majority of the people have spent this time moaning and a groaning while I have sat in an oasis of calm and despite all the issues I don’t seem to have been experiencing them as much as anyone else.

Has my positive thought processes allowed the internet energies find their way in to my connection better? I doubt it …. yet?

While one particular colleague was stomping around using foul language and getting themselves in the ‘Thick state’ and they approached me and asked aren’t you stressed?

“No” I replied. “Stress is a choice and if I find myself getting stressed I’ll just change my thought. It only takes 16 seconds”

“16 seconds?”

“Yeah, in 68 seconds you will have really changed your thoughts”

He walked away spouting “You read too much”

Totally unfazed I replied “No, I don’t read enough”.

5 Years ago before really embracing The Law of Attraction I was a mess. A terrified puddle basically. Now when I get stressed at some point I go “how did I let that happen’. It is so infrequent it will rock me.

At 3am I went back to bed buzzing because I couldn’t sleep, came downstairs, repaired two pairs of pants/trousers that I have been meaning to fix for ages, journaled and read some Liz Gilbert – Big Magic. Ended it on a high note in the book and took myself back of to bed feeling – Big Magic.

Happiness is a habit we can cultivate if we keep practicing and keep reading the right books.

 

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The Procreation Myth

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This is not my normal LOA post, this fell out of me on my Evernote page this morning when instinct told me to write down something I called the Procreation Myth that came back to me before I forgot it and then after it all fell out of me instinct said blog it so here I am laying myself raw:

All along growing up I had a feeling inside that I wasn’t like everyone else around me. I didn’t want to get married and have babies. I wanted a career. I wanted independence. I wanted to work in London, buy my own home, on my own. I wanted t travel alone and I was pretty determined that would be the case and visualised myself power dressed, carrying a portfolio and returning to my one bedroom contemporary apartment and planned to go to college and then University.

Life gave me crossroads and threw up other options because I wasn’t aware at the time I was throwing thoughts out there and wasn’t aware of the power of my own thoughts and how they brought those crossroads to my door and gradually somewhere inside of all of that the Procreation Myth was whispering in my ear and lack of confidence in myself and the need to please I allowed myself to put my authenticity to one side, my voice, my desires, my dreams and goals and here I was despite so much wanting a different vision. Unhappily married with 3 children that I loved and hated at the same time.

It is important to say that I didn’t hate them for a second as individuals and now I have written it I didn’t hate them at all I hated myself for being someone I planned so hard not to be. A mother. I was probably berating myself without even hearing it but what I was probably saying to myself when I found being a mother sooooooooo hard was “You idiot, how did you get here? This is not what you planned stupid”

I heard people saying how fulfilling being a mother was and how joyous their children were and this only added to my inner turmoil because this led to more self loathing. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have not been a mother, how did you let yourself get here? You suck at this. You should have never let this happen, they are happy because that is what they were meant to be, you’re struggling because it wasn’t the plan and it wasn’t a plan for you for a reason. It was a message to stop you having kids because you suck at it and you were designed for something else but you failed and you bought in to the procreation myth.

The Procreation Myth is as I see it written below:

It is not until you get married you realise to didn’t need too

It is not until you have babies you realise you didn’t need them

I wrote the procreation myth late one night whilst I was alone. Which was pretty much all the time, while my husband was away and the kids were in bed and in a way writing it was a relief. It was an acknowledgement that yes we don’t need too but most of us don’t question it.

I wrote that over 20 years ago and two things have changed since then and actually one as I write these words.

I am so grateful I live in this time and I express my gratitude almost everyday. So much has changed in that 20 years where evolution is concerned and the equality in the world. To some it may not appear that way but if we stop to analyse the evidence not just in the area of being a women but so many people are free to express themselves as who they truly are and the ability to be their authentic selves on the public forum instead of a stilted silent wish inside their heads and the evidence is also there almost daily if we look for it as teenage women in oppressed counties stand up and say I want an education, I don’t want to marry that person, I don’t want to be mutilated because of some archaic belief that is not relevant, I love this person and actually I do want to marry them and have children with them even if they are the same-sex as me and more and more each day in more and more places that is being accepted as the norm and more and more each day in more and more places that will become the norm as we become more aware.

Awareness is a magnificent gift, rather than blind acceptance and what I have become aware of as I write these words that are just flowing through me is that maybe something at a higher vibration than my physical presence was guiding me along in to the procreation myth because whilst it was hard at the time I cannot think of anything more joyous than my children and my now grandchildren and if I hadn’t struggled in my now long dead marriage or struggled with motherhood I wouldn’t be reaping the harvest now – as my Dearest now departed Wayne Dyer so eloquently pointed out in his book “I Can See Clearly Now”.

Travelling back from somewhere yesterday I listened to Les Brown say when you step up it will be hard. It won’t be easy. Easy is staying where you are. Hard is changing that habit. Hard is stepping out of your comfort zone but it will be worth it.

We truly live in an age where nothing is impossible and everything is ‘Possible’ so go forth and live your authenticity loud and proud and if and when those saboteurs start speaking to you like mine did above we have sooooooooo many tools available to us at the touch of a button to help us to break those habits and break out of our comfort zones and find new ways of living.

Here’s to an even better, more aware future.

 

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Not a Jot

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As I drove in to work Bohemian Rhapsody was on the car radio and it was getting to that crucial point. You know the bit from Wayne’s World that if you par take makes you see stars. My stop light had just turned green and I was due to turn the corner where I would pass all the people now sat at a stop light.

Do I? Don’t I? Do I? Don’t?

Oh to hell with it of course I do.

On the way home on a Friday they always play Mahna Mahna by the Muppets to cheer people up if they are stuck in traffic. Of course I had to do my best muppet impression.

Earlier in the day I received a message from a colleague and I was feeling a bit cheeky and playful but they caught me at my own game and I mentioned as soon as I sent my message they were going to out play me and they replied that’s just the way I am.

I love it when people are full of self acceptance instead of self loathing.

Ok I weigh more than I’d like but I can change that and I love my age now or is it my age that makes me so chilled where all the stuff I used to stress over and hate about my self no longer effects me the same.

 

Me feeling the best and happiest I can be is what matters and keeping my glass full, not just half full but full to brimming over.

Did I car what the other commuters  thought of me as I head banged my way to work?

Not a Jot

 
 

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Synchronicity Street

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“The sun is shining inside my head”

That is a comment I said when someone replied to the comment I sent them.

A colleague that wasn’t currently in my office sent me a message saying good morning and asking how I was feeling?

I said I was fine and it was a beautiful day and they replied that the weather was horrible where they were and that it was pxxxing down.

I said the weather was rubbish where I was but the sun was shining in my head and it still is. I am buzzing off of life today and maybe somebody else in my position would be all fizzled out but buzzing I AM.

And if you knew why I was buzzing you may think I should be certified.

I am – certifiably joyous.

Before I got up I said my gratitudes and I said my new gratitudes that I blogged about recently. Saying thank you in advance for something that is not yet visible/physical but I know it is done because it is done literally the second you have the thought.

I was happily tootling along to work in my car listening to Tony Robbins when I saw something that made me scream.

I have this strange theory that when I see my initials in a car registration that is a hello from the Universe and a message that everything is ok and on track. See certifiable !!

It used to be seeing Birds of Pray but now it is car regs as I asked the Universe for a message of seeing my initials in a car plate would be the thumbs up that everything is working out A Ok and of course the Universe obliged and I expected it to be a one time event but if anyone has read Pam Grouts E:squared and you know the Volkswagen Jetta experiment if you choose Volkswagen Jetta’s, butterflies, purple feathers boom boom boom they will literally appear everywhere.

For me I chose Butterflies as one item but then chose to postpone my experiment as I was about to fly to Paris and despite postponing the experiment a butterfly landed on my airer whilst I was hanging washing out to wear to Paris (I had also just listened to Wayne Dyer talking about his book Inspiration so when the butterfly landed on the airer I nearly fainted but you would have to read the book or listen to the same video as I did on YouTube to understand why).

When I got to Paris within 5 minutes of leaving the Hotel we walked down the street and I saw butterflies on printed window voile, then later on a scarf on a women walking passed me on the Champs-Elysees, another women was wearing butterfly earrings sat next to me in a restaurant so now seeing my initials is not a surprise but today the Universe excelled itself.

Everything single letter on the registration plate was my 3 letters repeated in the correct order and I was omg, omg, omg screaming omg. I saw this as the hugest thumbs up that what is not yet visible is about to be visible. I know, completely certifiable but if you are a follower of the Law of Attraction you know there are no accidents.

I got out of my car in the rain. Not bothered, to me the sun is shining. Initials on a car plate right. Why wouldn’t the sun be shining in my head???

I did walk with my head down to keep my hair and the rain out of my eyes and there in the rain soaked pavement I see something written.

“I’m Awesome” 

Yes I am. Thank you very much !! But it doesn’t stop there. I have crossed a street everyday I go to work since May and I never noticed the name of the street “William Street’ and what does my certifiable head say “Will I?” “I AM’.

Don’t mean to take anything away from ‘Will.I.Am’ just saying I saw it as the question “Will I?” Yes I already AM.

Proper rampage of appreciation that put me so far in to the Vortex that when I was dealing with really challenging people I didn’t get spat out and I was still so on a high flying disc when I got home I had to blog about it.

If you see something that you feel inside is a thumbs up from the Universe that everything is A OK and puts you on a high flying disc and makes you feel you are walking down Synchronicity Street go with it however much it may make people think you are certifiable.

 

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Just like rubbing Aladdin’s Lamp

I Can and I have

I don’t normally disagree with my peers and people who inspire me but I just saw this on social media and my brain said something slightly different.

I was listening to Wayne Dyer the other morning driving to work on YouTube, I must hastily add via earplugs and Wayne was talking about just by holding a particular book in your hands you will feel better without reading it and that Kinesiology proves it.

Just to prove I was only listening and not watching I was itching to know the book but couldn’t look. As Wayne went on and said more I knew it was the Tao Te Ching.

This may have inspired me when on Friday evening instincts told me to read both Pam Grout’s books right through again without doing the experiments and see what happens.

Almost immediately the Dude starting proving themselves but that is not why I am writing that situation here.

Starting to read E:squared again, I read that when we ask for something or for argument’s sake say “I would like to visit China” or date the David Beckham look a like, I must add I am not quoting Pam I am just translating what I read in to my perception but what I got from it was when we ask these kinds of things ‘Poof’, like rubbing Aladdin’s lamp – it is done.

It is just our focusing on the fact we can’t physically see it slows it down or delays it completely.

Before I saw the picture above I was journaling my excitement at what has happened in the few wee hours since just reading Pam Grout’s E:squared without even actually committing to the experiments.

Years and years and years ago early one Saturday morning I came across someone called the Barefoot Doctor and bought several of their books including one called ‘Manifesto’ and in it the Doctor warned you before you start practicing the advise there within ‘beware’ because once you do, watch out. Big things will happen. Life changing things and you may not see them at first but be the Universe will start moving furniture around and then bang !!!!!

This photo below is one of my favourite quotes and sums up what I am saying perfectly.

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I have used Barefoot’s terminology ever since reading his books and when I see strange things happening I just go “OK furniture is being moved” and that is what I was journaling about and when I saw the picture saying “I Can and I Will’ but what I said was

“I Can and I Have”

 

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A Perfect Moment

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Just now I literally wanted to burst in to tears because I had a perfect moment.

No I hadn’t won the lottery or been offered a million pound contract to sit at home and blog or, or, or.

I was just reminded that where I am right now is exactly where I am meant to be.

The other day I blogged about wanting to eat a shit sandwich and I nearly blogged a post called “Mind Your Language” and that was completely unrelated to what I am writing here …… or is it?

“Mind Your Language” was inspired about spending the weekend with loved ones and hearing them say habitual negative comments without even knowing but me knowing the power of the Universe and the power of our spoken and unspoken words how dangerous this can be.

Habitual comments about age, habitual self put downs etc.

“What do you expect, that’s bound to happen at my age” Bollocks !!!

“I have a terrible memory, there is nothing I can do about it” Bollocks !!!

“It’s easier to lose weight when you are young and harder when you are older” Bollocks

“Your trouble is you are to fussy, there is no such thing as a perfect relationship, lower your standards” Bollocks. (This wasn’t aimed at me by the way).

Only if you buy into this crap and believe it.

I love my family and extended family but I know at this present moment in time there is no point in trying to explain the power of thought but the worlds coming around. I see evidence every day.

I heard not just once but several times from various different self-aware people “You become the sum of the 5% of the people you surround yourself with” advising to choose careful, be aware of this fact and not get drawn in or distance yourself from negative influences.

Right from the earliest age I felt isolated from my peers etc because I seemed to have different inspirations and aspirations and not much has changed but now we have the luxury of finding our crowd online so it doesn’t bother me what my 5% are because they bring so much more to the party that I love.

However I am still guilty of believing the hype, falling into the old patterns, not minding my language and bringing on a huge shit sandwich in my direction.

It probably started about 3 weeks back now but I wasn’t aware then that this gradual process of letting the negative mind worms gnawing at my brain was happening but the spiral really happened towards the end of last week when I went in to victim mode and joined in the negative party posse conversations.

Was I really expecting things to get better by doing this?

As the anxiety I was putting myself through grew I did try putting sticking plasters on it like listening to Dr Wayne Dyers ‘Erroneous Zones” audio on YouTube on the way to work. Reading motivational material and saying affirmations and asking for assistance from the infinite source and infinite part of me. Who knows how bad it would have got if I hadn’t done this but at the same time I was not minding my language and to the extend I was feeling sick with anxiety by Thursday afternoon.

Despite this I had asked the Universe for help with some topics and instinct said do this, this and this and the task I had to complete for that day went perfectly. One down only one to go. Well actually I am not giving myself credit because I was achieving tasks all the time and the fog was beginning to clear but all this really started to spiral the previous week when I missed a deadline and read an email a certain way and I let self-doubt begin to fester.

I wish it could be 6 months time and I had more knowledge, I wish I had the knowledge and experience of my peers, they are so much better than me. Why is it that I am working and working and keep running out of time? What am I doing wrong? I must be really crap at this? I’ve never failed in a role before, I wish I could win the lottery so I don’t have to be accountable to a boss, I wish I was self-employed so I could be my own boss. Welcome to my pity party.

On Monday I had found an invitation to a 121 with my boss for the Friday PM and immediately felt it was to berate me for my poor performance on the missed deadline completely forgetting the fact that this has been the most loving, fantastic supportive, motivational boss I have ever had and always felt inspired and energised after speaking to them. I wasn’t minding my language and letting self-doubt win and comparing myself to everybody else so no I couldn’t recall all these facts or previous interactions.

The reality was – none of the stuff I had imagined happened. None of the stuff I expected to get raised got raised and all the things that happened in our previous interactions happened and then some and there were reasons for the 121 that were completely unrelated and one of the main reasons was that my bosses boss who was the other person who interviewed me as well as my boss was concerned about a comment I had made that showed I had doubt in myself and they wanted to check I was OK and reassure me that I was OK and I knew this stuff and reminded me off all the things that I bring to the party that my peers who have been in the job longer don’t have and what an asset I am.

That’s not the perfect moment (even though it was pretty awesome). The prefect moment came after listening to the video I am going post below.

I was stood in my kitchen area in my partially completed house looking at the chaos that I usually hate with a coffee in my hand, wearing my partners dressing gown (not sexy at all but warmer than mine) not-self employed, not a millionaire blogger but it is OK. This is exactly where I am supposed to be at this point of time, I’m ok and things are working out perfectly.

As the video shows I am not alone in my recent feelings, sadly not even close to being alone but thankfully these days we have our Online Family with the right language to bring us back on track.

 

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Cream on my Soul

Cream on my Soul

The other day I “accidentally” found the gift from God that is Elizabeth Gilbert.

I am having a girl crush with her. She says so much that makes sense and says it in a way that feels like I am literally having cream poured over my soul.

I could listen to her all day and all night just to hear her dulcet tones but have the added bonus of wisdom thrown in.

Her words to me just remind me that every one of us whilst actually being pieces of God and vessels as to channel that fact through have this constant battle with our physical selves that tell us that we are not worthy, what we do is not good enough, no-one will want to hear it or see it or read and I loved particularly the other day in the video that I posted that Liz openly admitted that her first book was not that good but hey it’s my first book it’s not going to be good.

She also talked of the pitfalls of perfectionism and how it stifles because we expect stuff to be perfect before we can share it – GUILTY !!

I was listening to Liz on a YouTube talk through my head phones before walking in to a particularly challenging day and that’s when I said to myself “This feels like Cream on my Soul” and then also thought ‘what if I screw up today, I’m new at this and I know I am trying my best and if I make a mistake to hell with it there are worse things going on in the world’

I also then remembered that I am a physical vessel for my non-physical self and the divine is in me all the time and there is nothing that I don’t have the answer to inside of me so how can it not go well? Bring it on !!

 

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