Tag Archives: Anxiety

Passion for Passions sake

 

The other day I brought all my art materials together inspired by the fact my daughter has kindly given me the project of designing her wedding dress.

Art materials

I was pleasantly surprised at some of the little doodles I had found in my many part completed sketchbooks and created an album on Facebook called Art for Arts sake.

Some samples of the things I found

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 I have now made a commitment to do something artistic everyday, however small and even if it is for 5 minutes.

Six months ago I was desperate to get out of paid employment and was searching for ideas of making money and becoming self-employed. An opportunity came in my direction and I started utilising every available second and investing in this project. I was doing this secretly as I knew my partner would not understand. Strangely my always busy partner was becoming less and less busy and quite often home around the same time as me and even before me which was making it impossible to invest time in my secret squirrel project. This was beginning to cause me anxiety and anything that causes me anxiety causes me anxiety because my requisite is to be happy as often as I possibly can.

I decided to accept the situation for what it is and not fight it and instead actively look for the Path of Least resistance.

Art for Art’s sake. Bliss for Bliss sake.

Yesterday I listened to the attached link:

Kim Thuy, wow what a shiny example of Gratitude and Happiness to us all and how to live on the Path of Least Resistance

unusually today my partner is having to stay away over night for work and I have been excited in some ways of what am I going to do with this free time. One thing I knew I wasn’t going to do is pressurize myself into doing something I feel I should be doing. I was going to ‘Let go and Let God’ guide me.

And God/The Universe guided me to the canvasses I have laid out in our conservatory. Canvasses that I painted for Art for Art’s sake but look like they will be hanging in my second daughters flat (apartment).

3 blissful hours flew by like 3 minutes until the light faded and whilst there I listened to productive material on YouTube from my phone and from both audio’s the main thing I picked out was do what you are passionate about. Well I am passionate about art, I am passionate about writing and passionate about self-development and while painting I was stopping occasionally to write inspirational notes I was gaining from the self-development audio’s on to my iPad so I was ticking all my passion boxes at once and living my bliss – good job !!

The last audio I listened to was this, something I aim to live by but no harm in being reminded just what we can be grateful for:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxIR67fH9rY

I then went to wash my brushes and whilst washing my brushes I got a true Eckhart Tolle moment of being here Now. I was totally tuned into the silence of the evening, broken occasionally by the sound of wood pigeons which I love anyway. I could smell the evening air and the feeling of the warm water and the sensation of the brush hairs between my fingers. Right then, being wealthy, being self-employed didn’t matter at all. Right then my life couldn’t get more perfect.

I was doing what I love and loving what I do – I was doing my passion for passion’s sake

Are there 7 billion different Universes plus?

Are the Strictly Come Dancing (Dancing with the Stars) judges proof of ultimate Universes?

The other day I considered, could my actual energy affect the physical world by my experiences I Am currently having or Am I actually just viewing my own personal individual physical world because of my current situations?

Sometimes because of my attitude to trust in the Universe, that things will always work out/get done (always has in the past) I Am guilty of from time to time letting things run away with me and not noticing I need to say “Stop …… Hammer time !!” But last Monday I threw my hands up (metaphorically) and said “that’s it, enough is enough!!” I emailed my boss requesting a chat as I felt like a subdividing embryo, first split in two, then four now six.

He agreed to a meeting on the Wednesday and on Wednesday driving to work the weather was miserable. Katy Perry song ‘Roar’ came on the car stereo which was uplifting and very apt because I was defiantly not going to bite my tongue and hold my breath. With my new determination to abolish ‘Fear’ ‘Doubt’ and ‘Anxiety’ and have total trust in the Infinite Field I would be brutally honest and what would be would be but subsequently everything would be OK.

 The meeting actually went amazingly well, my Line Manger was unexpectedly intuitive, hugely supportive and extremely proactive and I felt liberated and physically lighter for sharing the load.

As I left work the dreadful weather had transformed into an incredible evening with an unusual luminosity. Colours stood out from all sorts of nature that looked like it was physically shimmering and vibrating. That’s when it hit me. Could my mood have had a physical effect on my surrounding weather system or another thought could it just be me seeing dreadful weather prior to the meeting then a stunning weather after, echoing my physical feelings?

Could there in fact be actually over 7 billion different Universes being experienced all at the same time even if several people were in very close proximity? Could they, we all being seeing, feeling, experiencing something completely different? Even weather wise?

Lazy Saturday night in, take away and Prime-time TV. Not expecting anything taxing, just chillin enjoying light hearted entertainment and then ‘Bam!’ I may have evidence that Yes there are over 7 million different universe on earth alone. We had just watched what we felt was an enjoyable dance and one of the judges slates it. Then one of the other judges says “I don’t know what dance you were watching but I thought it was great, it had this, it had that …” Then I witnessed dance after dance whereby the judges (including us at home) appeared to be seeing different things (universes) and all at the same time.

 Via reading Greg Kuhn I have read several times an ancient philosophical question “If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there, does it make a sound?”  and Greg states (and I hope he doesn’t mind me referring to him?) The answer to this question is, that if there is no one there, there is no forest at all and honestly I do struggle to get my head around this but now my personal physical experiences have brought me closer to understanding this analogy.

 

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It’s all in the ‘K’

The other day I read an article that struck me more than most things I read and has stayed with me ever since but today I could see how it related to me. It was the Law of Attraction magazine Fall 2013 edition ‘Editors letter’. The editor explains they made a typo and instead of writing ‘Seeking’ they missed the ‘K’ and wrote ‘Seeing’ instead. They explained the huge difference a little ‘K’ can make. If you are seeking something you are very aware of IT’s absence and focusing on the lack of ‘IT’ whereby ‘Seeing’ is a present tense affirmation. You maybe not be seeing IT in its physical state but you can ‘See’ IT happening, feel it, know it, believe it will be physical, made manifest.

I related to this because despite reading ‘The Secret’ and loving it, loving the ethos behind it and realizing it needed daily practice when it first came into my awareness in 2010 in some way I must have still been a doubtful little sausage and when I communicated with the non-physical I did it in an out side of me ‘Seeking’ beseechy way. I got the non-physical/physical element of it and didn’t doubt ‘IT’ as I had seen so much evidence that there was definitely ‘Something’ bigger than we were aware of but when I was asking for help in a situation I couldn’t get my head round the focus on it already achieved, “Ask, Believe, Receive” do dah.

So I continued to ‘Seek’ not ‘See’ and when I was seeking, I realise now I was asking some unseen super-being for help in what ever the situation was, believing they were far greater than me and therefore far more powerful than little old me who could not possibly have the power to achieve it myself.

My main seeking was to get me out of a horrible work situation (that I could have probably avoided if I had listened to that sickening feeling in my stomach when I applied for the role, lesson learnt). and thought my only gateway out was manifest some money to enable me to leave. Week after week, I read more, prayed more, played the lottery but nothing happened and didn’t realise I wasn’t leaving myself open to All Possibilities. However I must say despite my outer body ‘Seeking’, miracles still happened out of the blue. Eventually the stress (the social disease) turned into ‘dis-ease’ in my body and I found myself in hospital and then on sick leave. How’s that a miracle? Several weeks into my sick leave I had a doctors appointment and the doctor gave me a clean bill of health and said I was OK to return to work the following day. Anxiety started to build in my gut immediately. When I came out of the doctors I saw a missed call from my partner. I called him back and he was enquiring how I got on. During the conversation he asked what I was doing and asked if I could bring him some lunch. He then asked if I had any plans and when I replied ‘No’ he said why didn’t I get us both lunch and we could share it together on what was an unusually hot April day. As we gazed at the view he suggested as it was my last day off work I go to one of my favourite places that afternoon to make the most of it and then added unexpectedly “So back to work tomorrow girl, how do you feel?” where by I answered uncharacteristically honestly without hesitation “Anxious” he enquired why was I anxious and when I relayed why he replied “Well if that’s how you feel hand you notice in. I Am sure it’s the job that made you ill and it’s not worth it” Now this is a man who is not spiritual, Black’s black, white, white so I had been harbouring my true feelings, not believing I could leave without a job to go to for financial reasons and for him to make the connection of negative energy creating physical illness was astounding to me and there I Am from an unusual turn of events in the situation I’d wished to be in so effortlessly it made my head spin ….. And that afternoon in one of my most joyous places was more enjoyable than I can physically express, just to say I have never felt so connected to it All.

Whilst working my notice when people asked what I had planned? I was adamant I did not want to go into the same industry again and listed the transferable skills I’d gained and possible avenues I could go down with them but secretly I was hoping another miracle would pop up and the book I had always planned to write would pop out of my head into print and somehow and idea for self-employment would raise its head. I was still actively looking for paid employment to please my partner but quietly awaiting the arrival on the miracle idea. Gradually pressure started to build at home, being constantly supported and no sign of employment so all day was writing applications not books and I let fear, doubt and anxiety creep in as too my belief in being able to be self-employed and resolved myself to paid employment. I did see one job I thought I’d really like and felt good about it. I enthused to my partner one day about it and showed him  the cover letter I had written that just fell out of my head and how I felt so positive about it I was going to hand deliver it the following day to heighten my chances in hope of evidencing to him ‘Look I AM being proactive’ and that he would be pleased. I did in fact hand deliver the letter the next day and felt as I walked through the car park that the job was mine. Then nothing !!

To help finances I signed on for a couple of agencies, reluctantly one in the industry I used to work in and I had a heart breaking experience, as I sat there in my Jammies and full face of make up (long story) I thought I truly can’t work in this industry any more what ever happened to that job I thought I was so well suited for? Just prior to this experience I had had a couple missed calls with no voice mail so had no clue to who it was from and I was stood phone in hand explaining to my partner the missed calls when the same number called and I immediately answered. It was the job I thought had my name on it and to cut another long story short it did and I Am still doing it now. More miracles. However the shine has warn off now and more and more I Am wishing I was self-employed doing what gives me most joy –writing. Now I Am ‘Seeing’ not ‘Seeking’ and ‘Seeing’ how miracles can happen even when I Am ‘Seeking’ I Am reassured and have an inward knowing that there are more miracles to come and I am back on the self employment route and this time to Quote ‘Winston Churchill’ I will:

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I love this quote and have heard it three times in two days. First heard it in my 2013 horoscope that was so spookily like someone was looking inside my head despite not being a horoscope person I secretly hoped this one would come true.