I won’t lie it has been really, really hard to hold my Faith the last few days as I tried even harder not to question why did such a terrible thing happen at the completely wrong time and during my time of trying not to reflect it did creep into my awareness that when I make a special declaration or work hard on changing old negative thought forms instead of things improving something majorly negative happens. I made one of these kinds of actions when my accident happened the very next day ironically shortly after saying the affirmation “I Am happy, healthy and wealthy” several times before raising that morning.
Acknowledging this observation made it very hard to want to focus on my dreams or goals and definitely not pursuing them. Accepting my lot seemed the only option and then I made a decision two days ago to have a ‘Let Go Let God’ day. I just wasn’t going to put any pressures on myself to do, be or have anything and just follow my instincts and follow any nudges.
At the end of yesterday as I went to sleep, I fell into a satisfied slumber. At one point in the day still feeling disbelieving but following intuition and reading a favourite authors latest blog post about seeing signs I had the thought “I want a sign” and not only that I wanted it in a specific way. I was still disbelieving in its ability and boy did I get what I asked for in a massive way in an amazingly short space of time. It seems so unbelievable I am not even going to detail it. I just know it happened and it renewed my Faith in the Universe.
Early in to the day today, I got the nudge to make today a LGLG day and I have followed the nudges and I have been led to even more amazing pieces of information and wrapped up within the information was the quote below.
“Every great work, every big accomplishment, has been brought into manifestation through holding to the vision, and often just before the big achievement, comes apparent failure and discouragement.” – Florence Scovel Shinn
I have been truly reminded that God’s delays are not God’s denials regardless of outside appearances and I have been infused with the idea to make every day a LGLG day.
I am grateful for all the words I have read by the amazing authors over the last 15 years or so since being handed Susan Jeffers “Feal the Fear and Do It Anyway”
My circumstances may not have changed much on the outside but over the past few days I have come to learn I have definitely changed mentally because if I had to face what I have faced before reading the books I have read and more so since reading ‘The Secret’ in 2010 I would have been an emotional puddle right now.
Two days ago my partner and I were meant to fly to Jamaica for a dream holiday and my daughters wedding but instead it is 5am as I write this and I am laying in bed after having surgery following breaking my leg in three places just by carrying out such a mundane task as carrying out the trash.
Yes I was heart broken and in devistating disbelief at first with the multitude ofconnotations. Missing such a presious time, not being there for my daughter, depriving her of my partner giving her away, not being able to continue temporarily with the course I have been training for, loss of income etc however despite going through these feelings almost instantaneously I felt there must be a purpose and I have met twi people in unexpected circumstances who have asked me the same question and I have constantly reminded myself nobody has died and there are people far worse off.
I have also noticed crazy amounts of Little LOA’s in action as I call them when I see the Law of Attraction at play in my life. One being, I have recently thought how nice it would be to have a swanky camper van and having the time luxury to travel to see numerous amazing places and as we are traveling to the hospital yesterday morning shortly before arriving we follow a brand new swanky camper van with ‘LOA’ in the registration place ?.
There was a possibility of permanent nerve damage following the op and I sensed anxiety in the staff as more and more time passed and I couldn’t move my toes or feel their touch and I began to feel it rise in me but refusing to be ruled by fear because I feel that subconscious fears may have been a contributor to my situation. At 3am I Asked for the ability to move my toes and went to sleep making positive statements regarding my health and I woke an hour later with this little piggy going wee wee wee all the way home.
I then chose a Bob Proctor meditation from my YouTube app to aid me to sleep and instead of making me sleepy it has inspired me to think “The Only Way is Up”
Maybe this time recuperating I will finally write my book and start to make artwork again.
I have definitely had a peak and trough week. No violins required but just a brief description of where this is going. I am at a point now that I am wet myself with excitement.
A few weeks ago I was watching the UK Voice TV program and Boy George made a comment on the lines of ‘pursuing music as he was literally unemployable’. That comment stuck with me. I have always wanted to be self-employed even as a teenager and at that point I had already made that decision to train for something that allows this possibility but it did make me think what is it about me that always goes into a job and shortly after needs to leave? Usually because I cannot tolerate certain types of people and their behaviours.
My first blog posts are about being a child and feeling the freak, the outsider. Having totally different aspirations than my peers. My first project at college where I returned to the class room with a totally different perspective than those peers.
I am at that point again where I am finding it hard to accept certain people’s behaviours and this week I was sat in a room where once again I felt completely alien to the majority of the participants.
On the day I got interviewed for this job I am in now it had a very strange turn of events as it usually does when you make a decision and the Universe conspires. My then boss who I had a good relationship with and who was also unhappy in their role asked me if I was looking for another job? I replied “I thought we all were?” (we, meaning our other colleague we shared the department with). They too then made a comment that stuck with me and has risen many times since “Don’t sell yourself short. You are very intelligent and amazing at what you do. I understand you need to look for a new role but don’t undervalue yourself that’s all I am saying”.
Unbeknown to them I had already turned down an interview for that morning which shortly after I found an email asking was it date and time and they could be flexible and I got interviewed that evening as the interviewers were down from London and had to travel back the following day.
At the time I was looking for a new role I was listening to Louise Hay every morning and I was imagining the types of jobs I would like, little details it would have and I received all of them but I clearly hadn’t thought about it detail enough looking back now and that is why I have often recalled the ‘Don’t under sell yourself comment’. I was so clearly desperate to get away from some of the 1970’s attitudes I was up against I didn’t think it through enough and I take full responsibility for where I currently am but at the same time I know it will be all ok and I constantly thank the lessons and the people I find arbitrary as gifts to ensure I do not stay in a comfort zone and keep moving towards my goals and dreams.
I mentioned that the week has had peaks and it has had a lot of peaks. I have been listening to Bob Proctors Born Rich program on YouTube that I have saved into my account from the Proctor Gallagher Institute channel. I have acquired the companion workbook and inspired by goal cards ordered some sleeves off of eBay of the like to create name badges for businesses etc and downloaded an app that you can add text to and found inspiring background pictures and added the text of my goals. I can now carry these cards everywhere and look at them often.
Last night I was watching the final of The Voice UK when Paloma Faith made an analogy that knocked my socks off. In the trough times I have questioned why do I so often feel the outsider? When I was at college that first project was to go out in to the environment and analyse what we saw and bring it back for a discussion group. As the Tutor went around the group I began to panic inside. I was un-confident and terrified to speak at the best of times but as I listened to my peers give descriptions of the devastation of man I was confused. I saw a different picture. I saw a picture of hope and despite whatever humans throw at the environment it finds a way to break through like moss on street signs and weeds through tarmac and there it was again that look from my peers as I expressed my findings, the outsider again. Eventually my whole finals at University revolved around us constantly rushing around and failing to see the simple beauty in the world and to try to encourage people to take time to stop and see that weed etc and appreciate it.
I have always been drawn to people like Boy George (who I thought had the most gorgeous eyes when I first saw him on Top of The Pops) Will i Am and Paloma Faith and what Paloma said that knocked my socks off was in describing an act that had just sung ‘In life in this concrete juggle we are all rushing through our lives all the time and some times you walk on the pavement and people are stepping over things growing out of the cracks and these things some people think are weeds butI will stop and look at them and think wow nature took over and those are beautiful flowers’ and Paloma felt the artist that had just sung was that beautiful flower sticking out the crack in the pavement.
Shortly after this heart stopping moment Boy George, my teenage hero took the same act to see Cyndi Lauper. I was transported back to being a teenager and reminded how much Cyndi’s song “True Colours’ meant to me as I sat alone in my room night after night.
This morning as I woke, I lay in bed and remembered that thing you have in smart phones where you demand it to do something for you when you are to lazy to use your fingers and stated find me True Colours by Cyndi Lauper. Without my glasses on I tapped at what I thought was True Colours and actually was ‘Time after Time’.
As I listened to the lyrics after such a long time I realised this could be an analogy of the Universe. No matter what you had planned that you didn’t follow through with. No matter where you are or what you are going through – “If you’re lost, you can look and you will find it. Time after time. If you fall I will catch you. I will be waiting. Time after time.
Realising my accident (or was it) I immediately downloaded “True Colours”
“You with the sad heart don’t be discouraged .It’s hard to take courage in a world full of people you can lose sight of it all and the darkness inside you can make you feel so small but I see your true colors shining through and that’s why I love you so don’t be afraid to let them show”
“If this world makes you crazy and you have taken all you can bear, you call me up because you know I will be there”
Listening to Paloma and Cyndi this is why I got pants wetting excited. When I can’t seem to find the right job, tolerate peoples ugly behaviours, feel like and outsider in a room full of people there is nothing wrong with me I am just in the wrong job for me and in a room of different types of people than myself that is not the right environment to show my true colours and if the decisions I have made in the past haven’t allowed me to show my true colours, it’s OK because the Universe is waiting for me time after time.
So I am calling up the Universe and I know that now I have made a decision it will conspire to make it happen
On a mission to help others create a life of freedom and joy using the Law of Attraction