Comfortable in ‘MY’ reality

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After a ‘character building’ day recently and I realised I was considering giving up until I realised what I was thinking sounded like giving up and I will



It did made me think ‘Why’? Why did I feel different at school from everyone else? Why did I have completely different aspirations from everyone else? Why when I was in college and sent out on our first assignment (previously blogged about in – “Why am I writing this like it is going to be published) did I come back with a totally different perspective than anyone else? Why I Am the only person I know who has the interests that I have and have to find my social group Online and even though I think I Am completely like everyone else people refer to me as Spooks etc? Why Am I winding up when others are winding down?


Instead of giving up I decided to look for the purpose in my character building day and a couple weeks later these ‘Why’s’ aren’t bothering me now. The most important question I have now is ‘Do I care that I tend to be on a totally different wavelength and am I happy being me? And the answer to the first question is ‘No’ and the answer to the second question is ‘Yes’ so as the picture so aptly says “I Am not crazy, my reality is just different to yours”


 “If a man does not keep pace with his companions , perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears however measured or far away”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Henry David Thoreau

I’m just winding up Baby !!



I Am approaching 50, well in less than two years and several people I know have recently passed this milestone and what I have noticed is their conversation content.

One is constantly referring to limitations they believe they have and always contribute it to ‘Well you know I am 50 now’

Another is consciously looking on the internet for a bungalow as we call it in England which means the proverbially one storey house for ‘in your old age accommodation when you can’t manage the stairs’ and I have actually heard them say this is why they are looking and say ‘Well you got to start thinking about these things’.

I listen to their conversations. Their subconscious speak and It’s like they are all winding down or as the excellent sitcom we used to have in the UK was titled. They have one foot in the grave.

I have read self-help books etc since the late 90’s but it wasn’t until I read The Secret in 2010 that I realised I never put any of it into practice.

Since then I have digested every piece of material I can get my hands on and make daily rituals to enhance my life and change my ‘Biology’ (Bruce Lipton) styley.

I aim to focus on what I do what as much as possible instead of what I don’t want, to bring it ever closure to me and I am daily grateful for the smallest thing to the biggest thing.

I have a goal list but I don’t obsess about it because the how it comes to me is none of my business. I just keep the Faith and try following any guidance, gut feelings etc I get.

And talking of which, one thing I know I placed on a list and I visualise doing is to stay in 4 star plus accommodation and this weekend out of nowhere my partner suggested taking a city break. I researched some hotels and found a stunning 4 star Hotel cheaper than most of the lower end chains we usually use.

When we booked, it had the option to upgrade on check in if a better room was available. My partner said what the hell click on it. I wasn’t registering what I was doing or what was happening at the time. When we checked in they said they could see we have opted for the optional upgrade for a nominal fee. We agreed and happily took our key and looked for our room number.

We paced the floor a bit puzzled because we saw the number below and the number above and above and above. We decided to back track and retrace our steps when I spotted what looked faintly like our room number on a massive arched double door which obviously we hadn’t taken in to consideration. Yes this was our door, our door to our luxury suite !!!

It wasn’t until the following morning waking up that it struck me. I Am staying in the type of accommodation I looked longingly at pictures of on the internet and I had on my list and visualised over.

Boom !! Tick another manifestation off the list.

My life is getting better and better and I have only just started.

I’m not winding down. I Am winding up Baby !!

I AM Changing

I may not have manifested riches or written the book I dream of doing or a lot of my dreams for that matter but I have changed and I like the changes that have occurred.

I don’t watch soap operas any more because I don’t class personal tragedy and an unbearable amount of screaming entertainment.

I don’t watch TV show’s like “The Great British Bake Off” of “Master Chef”. Not that I am saying there is anything wrong with these TV shows but for me I don’t find show’s where people strive for the approval of ‘Experts’ enjoyable and watch them be crushed by their critique.

There always seem to a buzz word in my life at any one time and currently that word is “Perception”.

I mute out TV conversation or Polls that request a debate on someone’s life etc where one person says “Your wrong, I am right” and the other person says “No I am right, your wrong” or make judgements on situations that have nothing to do with them.

The other day I watched a program about submission into the Royal Academy Summer Show in London. One person had tried repeatedly over an unimaginable amount years to be accepted by a board. A board which consisted of a panel of people and their own personal perceptions of what is ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’. ‘Acceptable’ or ‘Not Acceptable’. Another person who I felt (my perception) had a seriously good talent would only believe that they were a good artist if the RA accepted their work.

Seeing people not loving their-selves or accepting their-selves unless someone else does makes me curl up a bit inside so I zone out of these types of viewing.

I tuned into another program that had Art in the title where I saw someone crush a young hopeful artist by telling them that one of the pieces was probably the worst things they have ever seen. Again another perception but thinking about the different types of Art I have seen in my time in the most famous art galleries in the world another person’s perception maybe that, this is the best piece of art they have ever seen but maybe too late. Because this young hopeful artist has been told it is the worst thing ever viewed their confidence may have been crushed and they may never produce another piece of art again and what could have been a promising career is no longer due to one persons perception.

I have let opportunities go because I lacked confidence in my ability and I held other people’s perceptions and opinion in my work higher than my own.

No longer !! And I credit my change in ‘Perception’ by finding and reading the book ‘The Secret’ and all the material I have read and listened to since.

I am literally a different person. A happy, grateful, calmer, relaxed, almost fearless person – bonus !!

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It’s all a matter of perception



Perception has been my buzz word this week.

Someone I know despite me trying to cheer them up and see the blessings in situations surprise surprise always has a new terrible tragedy to relay recently told of someone they knew who has had a life changing challenge to face literally over night and discussed their incredible attitude towards the situation. Despite it happening to the other person who was being proactive and has to live with the situation my friend was becoming emotional and upset at the thought of it happening to their friend and as they relaid what they had they said to their friend it was almost like they were trying to talk their friend round to their way of thinking and see it as something tragic instead of facing it in their positive manner like doing that was the most ridiculous thing possible.

This reminded me of who my  heroes are. My Hero’s are:

Viktor Frankl for despite being imprisoned in two of the most horrendous concentration camps in history Auschwitz and Dachau and losing his family in these camps chose to believe despite the most inhuman or painful a situation there was always meaning in it and in life.

Another Hero is Martine Wright who see’s losing her legs in 7/7 a blessing because without this happening she wouldn’t have been able to compete in the 2012 Olympics and I was also very inspired similarly by watching a TV program where a man whose name I do not have to hand but I have written about previously lost limbs in Afghanistan and found a love of cycling that he felt wouldn’t have happened without this experience and described only having one down day because there were other people in the same hospital who hand lost both arms and both legs so he felt blessed to only have lost his legs.

I have more Hero’s. Immaculee Ilibagiza who hid in a bathroom for three months to avoid being murdered during the Rwandan Holocaust of 1995. Louis Zamperini who defied the odds and survived on a raft beyond what was classed as humanly possible because he refused to believe the statistics and then when found was imprisoned in a Japanese prisoner of war camp but still held Faith and hope and created recipes and visualized the food he would cook on his release.

And Louise Hay is my first Hero who despite experiencing  dreadful abuse used it and brought peace to millions with her books helped me in so many ways and started Hay House at 60 which inspires me everyday, it is never to late.

I see quotes on Facebook etc by people like Wayne Dyer advising how to see the beauty in things and people actually comment that people like Wayne make it sounds so easy BUT comment how can they be positive because of this, this and this and none of it they state is stopping them from being grateful is anywhere near as terrible as what some of these situations the people above went through but yet they remain victims and concentrate on how terrible their life is ….. And guess what? as The Law of Attraction states what you focus on you attract so the “vicious” circle continues.

If my Hero’s can experience these, what most people would consider as nightmare situations and come out still being positive and loving there is nothing on earth, literally nothing we have to be sad about.

It is literally a choice to perceive it as good or bad and that’s a choice we can change in a heartbeat.



“Na-Nu Na-Nu”


Just too sad to get my head around. Someone that brought me so much joy and most of my favourite films ‘Good Morning Vietnam’, ‘Dead Poets Society’, ‘Awakenings’, ‘Jack’, ‘Good Will Hunting’, ‘What Dreams May Come’ and ‘Patch Adams’ was in so much personal pain.

“Na-Nu Na-Nu” RIP on the planet Ork, Mork !!

Imperfectly perfect


The other week I watched a Super Soul Sunday where the contributor spoke of how you can get anger out of your system in 60 seconds. Just breath gently and think of something else and you can get rid of anger. It’s our choice to feel angry and we can simply just decide not to be angry. I liked this thought and have been practising it.

Making a choice about a situation and labelling it good or bad echoes what I have learnt from one of my favourite authors Greg Kuhn and another bit of Greg I like to think about while I aim to do practices of learning to enhance my personal experience is that ‘I Am Growing a Greater me’ which happens aptly to be the name of his new book, well almost its “Grow a Greater You”.

Inspiringly Greg openly admits that he to practices the advise he is giving to others and that he is not perfect and has bad days. I felt good reading that but not in a disparaging way, just that it makes me feel OK to be human and not always being on top of my game too but my greatest shock was from another Super Soul Sunday when Oprah whilst interviewing a minister openly admitted to not being able to get a handle on not getting annoyed with people who do things that frustrate her and the peace-loving minister said “Me too”. I just thought if there are two people who would have this sussed one is Oprah and the other was a God-loving man.

I am far more sorted than I have ever been in my whole life in getting a handle on being frustrated or angry but feel I am not succeeding in other areas.

Sometimes it just helps to know that people who we may assume have it all worked out still have work to do on themselves as do everyone and you may be doing far better than you assume you are and it is OK to be Imperfectly Perfect