Why Am I writing this like it’s going to be published?

I have been journalling secretly for as long as I can remember and writing brings my greatest bliss, even over me producing visual art and would love to do it as a living full time and be self-employed but have never told a soul so basically blog to myself.

I Am currently on annual leave and was 1) aiming just to do Ali stuff and 2) Hoping to investigate a bit more in myself to see if I actually had something that I could make a living at. My week did involve a lot of Ali stuff but there didn’t seem to be much success in the what are my marketable talents side.

During the day I had written a massive for my eyes only blog but this time it felt different. It flowed differently, it gave me a huge sense of satisfaction and pleasure so went to bed a happy bunny.

In bed I was reading the Law of Attraction magazine on my iPad and there was an article about comfortableness and how a lady pushed through hers and how her life is changing because of it and reading it, something told me to send you my journal entry to share one day of some of my LOA observations to Pam Grout and how it included her and I did. And this was it. (This was written two days before I joined WordPress).


Today I watched the film “I Am” prompted by deciding to reread Pam Grouts amazing book ‘E squared’. I did honestly enjoy the film but it did leave me with an uneasy feeling.  I don’t think I wanted to acknowledge my uneasy feelings, thinking if I did then I was admitting that I am a bad person and that I shouldn’t dream of owning my own home, being self employed, having financial security, owning certain items.


After the film I had a browse on Facebook and saw that there was a new blog post by Pam Grout. Whilst reading it I felt invigorated and plus Pam inadvertently had been used by the FP (Field of Possibilities that Pam calls the FP for short) to help answer a question.


Earlier (in the shower, by personal telephone booth to God/FP) whilst remembering and being thankful for an incredible sunset and an equally amazing moon the night before was reminded how I wish to have Louis Armstrong’s ‘Wonderful World’ played at my funeral to remind people ‘it Is’ and not to be sad. This led on to me thinking how technology has changed, how I use iTunes for my music, use the Internet to log my inner most thoughts (long to be a writer like Pam .. There I’ve put it out there now oops. Why Am I writing this like its being published?) and I was thinking do my two daughters remember I want it at my funeral? Should I be making arrangements for them to access this material when I’m gone? How can I remind them or ensure they follow my wishes? But then the shower was over and I had to go about my business. 


Back to how Pam’s blog inadvertently helped me. The other day I was reading (but can’t remember which material as I Am a book whore and thanks to iBooks and the kindle app jump between the pages of different books more often than a nymphomaniac on death row to quote one of my favourite films.) that the Universe/FP or God which ever feels most comfortable an analogy answers every question we ever ask. As I scrolled down through Pam’s blog something was becoming more and more evident and I knew instinctively and because of the content of Pam’s blog it was a YouTube video of Louis Armstrong singing ‘Wonderful World’. And because of the power of technology we have at our fingertips now I was able to post the YouTube link to Facebook and tag my two daughters in it reminding them what they had to do with the song. Thanks Pam! Thanks Universe, question answered as always.


For some reason Pam’s blog while reminding how I agree with her that it is indeed a wonderful world and if you feel safe you will be safe as I do when I visit London on my own as I Am tomorrow whilst others in the past seem to think I Am crazy it raised the feeling again that I felt uncomfortable after watching ‘I Am’. I realized and I am, ( pardon the pun) sure Tom Shadyac had no intention of making me feel that the things that I desire in life are wrong and that we are All going to hell in a handcart (for want of a better analogy even though I know Hell doesn’t exist) if we don’t change our thinking. (All totally my interpretation no responsibility on the producer)


Remember this was originally written for my eyes only


I feel and have for a long time thought that there is a lot more to this Universe than we think and that we aren’t all doomed at that the Universe is an amazing thing that just at the right moment miracles crop up. I am not saying Tom’s wrong or my view is right it’s just how I feel inside but it does remind me of my interpretation of the world when I was at college and how my view point was the only positive one in the whole class after we were briefed to go out into the campass for a certain amount of time and bring back our observations. Whilst everyone’s was about the degradation and man’s destruction and disrespect for the environment Polly Anna here saw moss growing on sign posts and weeds pushing there way up through Tarmac paths, eat that man, nature rocks. I saw a positive message and I did see the look of astonishment on my fellow students faces as well as well as the ‘poor thing, she’s delusional’ expression.


 When people worry about running out of oil I believe more will be miraculously discovered in the nick of time like Flash Gordon saving the earth or we’ll find an even better more environmentally friendly source. And as if by magic to prove this butterflies. Butterflies? Yeah pretty little butterflies. Last year when we were advised we were about to be put on hose pipe bans etc because we had had the two driest winters and summers since records began and we were in drought mode I had an inner feeling it would be OK (all together now Flash ahhhhh !!!) and then it started raining and raining and doing what we are supposed to do best in Britain rain. No more issue about empty reservoirs just “oh no it’s been the wettest summer …. ” what since records began? Last week I read on Facebook that a source of water had been found in Africa that will keep the drought ridden area in water for at least 70 years ahhhh!! (That’s Flash style ahhhs). So what’s butterflies got to do with water and Flash Gordon? A few weeks ago the doom and gloom mungers were banging on about the end of the world if butterflies die out, photosynthesis etc and how bad humans were killing all their environments ( Hell in a handcart you know) and it was asking if we did butterfly count things and send in our observations. Well I was inadvertently already on butterfly watch thanks to Pam Grout and Dr Wayne Dyer, oh yeah and the Universe, you spooky thing you.


I had had a YouTube recommendation sent to watch on Dr Wayne Dyer talking about his book “Inspiration” now I had read the book twice so when he told the story of a butterfly landing on him I was not alien to the story. The whole video had moved me to tears, talking about his mother so eloquently, including him describing Van Gogh’s life story and Don Macleans inspiration to write Starry Night because of it and his daughter singing it at the end … Actually tears I was a sobbing wreck in earplugs with my partner looking on in bewilderment. The next morning was beautiful (no rain in sight, best summer since you get the picture) so I decided to carry the clothes airer outside and as I walked into the garden a butterfly just like Wayne had described in his story landed on my hand. Well whilst trying not to fall over I tried to stand still as long as possible to take in the miracle and not scare it away with the sound of my thundering heart in my chest. At the time I had also started reading Pam Grouts marvellous book ‘E squared’ and I was just reading the start of ‘Volkswagen Jetta experiment’ I had inadvertently decided to choose butterflies and Range Rover Evoques because of the butterfly airer experience and that I needed a new car and I love these but then decided to put it on hold as I was soon to fly to Paris to watch the end of Le Tour de France.


I did like the film ‘I Am’ and something I did take from it was how we are a huge electromagnet receiver come single sender and despite deciding to put the experiment on hold I must have sent something out there because butterflies started showing up everywhere, even on net curtains in Paris, plus scarves on women walking down the Champs Élysées, women’s earrings sat next to me in restaurants, pictures posted on Facebook and real ones every where. More than I have seen in my whole lifetime and it seemed every other car that passed us was ?? A) . Oh and a spooky non butterfly come Range Rover thing happened in Paris, after several non eventful attempts to visit Musee D’Orsay we got in and My partner the not so art lover unlike myself wanted to visit the Van Gogh room and there I find myself stood in front of the real ‘Starry nite’. Shivers.com’s ville.


Back to butterflies and the end of the world and Polly Anna. Just watched a regular magazine program I like and it was discussing that butterflies are up big time, even one that was most endangered is up a massive 300 something % so end of the world avoided for today then.


Another thing I liked in the film was someone holding a piece of cardboard up with the quote on it “change the way we see things and the things we see will change” well I Am what I Am and what I see is miracles everyday and I don’t want to change that.


 Ali K Parsons over and out for tonight world … Love ya !!!


Photo spotted conveniently on Facebook after I read the magazine article that prompted me to send post.
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